I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
