we have pet lesbian snakes
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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