drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
