Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
