I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
