im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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