goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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