i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
