I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The Olympian is in my bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
