Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
