Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
