Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
