you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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