Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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