Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted

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  (267): so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted http://tfl.nu/13lv
  Replies (21) Good night (5072) Bad night (754)
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  (408): View more from California

  I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on

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  (408): I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on http://tfl.nu/ydv9
  Replies (7) Good night (4685) Bad night (977)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

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  (636): So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/elt7
  Replies (38) Good night (2597) Bad night (6265)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.

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  (608): I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here. http://tfl.nu/1bbr
  Replies (17) Good night (1145) Bad night (2782)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock

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  (713): I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock http://tfl.nu/svlq
  Replies (8) Good night (1160) Bad night (3338)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.

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  (573): I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot. http://tfl.nu/yflo
  Replies (5) Good night (3866) Bad night (977)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.

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  (202): Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/57eb
  Replies (50) Good night (2415) Bad night (5480)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating

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  (516): Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating http://tfl.nu/ijjp
  Replies (12) Good night (2445) Bad night (908)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  When did you hit me on the head with a stool?

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  (416): When did you hit me on the head with a stool? http://tfl.nu/9f4x
  Replies (10) Good night (946) Bad night (1419)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.

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  (563): My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch. http://tfl.nu/5mz7
  Replies (16) Good night (1045) Bad night (1557)
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  (323): View more from California

  He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.

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  (323): He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain. http://tfl.nu/r1vy
  Replies (8) Good night (2849) Bad night (716)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason

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  (541): I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason http://tfl.nu/z5wn
  Replies (26) Good night (664) Bad night (1727)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.

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  (850): Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks. http://tfl.nu/uggh
  Replies (24) Good night (1336) Bad night (671)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.

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  (919): Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/9jhi
  Replies (8) Good night (384) Bad night (899)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"

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  (406): Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!" http://tfl.nu/tsa9
  Replies (4) Good night (599) Bad night (194)

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