We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dating After Heartbreak
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.