Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.

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(402): Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later. http://tfl.nu/06o9

Replies (42) Good night (6095) Bad night (740)
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(352): View more from Florida

this beer tastes like vomit already

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(352): this beer tastes like vomit already http://tfl.nu/3gdg

Replies (11) Good night (678) Bad night (3339)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

THAT'LL be a good time.

(401): View more from Rhode Island

and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.

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(401): THAT'LL be a good time. (401): and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word. http://tfl.nu/x8f6

Replies (18) Good night (3590) Bad night (703)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

(510): View more from California

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(303): I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it. (510): YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7kxq

Replies (133) Good night (1383) Bad night (29959)
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(845): View more from New York

The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy

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(845): The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy http://tfl.nu/dldv

Replies (46) Good night (1202) Bad night (5513)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I think this baby is eyeing my beer

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(480): I think this baby is eyeing my beer http://tfl.nu/6ms6

Replies (13) Good night (5178) Bad night (1331)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.

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(321): Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class. http://tfl.nu/1es6

Replies (7) Good night (4024) Bad night (841)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.

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(919): Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed. http://tfl.nu/csse

Replies (9) Good night (3367) Bad night (1183)
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(443): View more from Maryland

you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.

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(443): you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life. http://tfl.nu/pccz

Replies (10) Good night (6463) Bad night (1251)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?

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(780): This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it? http://tfl.nu/t3fk

Replies (9) Good night (2247) Bad night (745)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face

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(973): Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face http://tfl.nu/mow6

Replies (7) Good night (742) Bad night (1969)
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(941): View more from Florida

im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna

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(941): im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna http://tfl.nu/nksh

Replies (1) Good night (669) Bad night (469)
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(912): View more from Georgia

He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.

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(912): He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it. http://tfl.nu/1cfw

Replies (3) Good night (1095) Bad night (483)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it

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(508): Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it http://tfl.nu/qcg9

Replies (3) Good night (544) Bad night (481)
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(309): View more from Illinois

Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"

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(309): Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm" http://tfl.nu/34wj

Replies (0) Good night (159) Bad night (423)

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