I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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