So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
