tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
3pm strippers are depressing
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.