"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.