Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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