Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.