When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
