Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Soap is not a condiment
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
