Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
