You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
