Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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