you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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