So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
