Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
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