you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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