Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
