So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
