dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
