Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
