So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
