Don't you send me to vm
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's blow job season.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
