my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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