as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
