I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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