i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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