u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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