I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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