Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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