dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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