Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
