just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
