Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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