it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
