this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
