i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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