whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
