His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
