UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
