You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
