At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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