For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my poor anus
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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