Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
