oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I want is dick and wine.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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