Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
now i know why i became what i already was.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
