Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
