maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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