I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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