You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
