when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
