I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
