She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
