I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
did you just send me my own nude
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
