I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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