Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
