either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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