He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
