so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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