We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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