I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
