I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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