in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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