also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
