so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
