I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
