I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
