ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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